Today the Korea Herald led with the following headline: “Will Koreas See Big Bang This Year?” Cue frantic teacher’s office freak-out. I mean, what would you think if you read that headline? Had things suddenly gone horribly awry in the six-party talks? No. Read on to find out that the Korea Herald is referring to the process of total North Korean denuclearization, a normalization of Pyongyang-Washington relations and an official end to the Korean War. And when that happens in North Korea we call it a “big bang.” Oh, Korea Herald.

So on Yonsei Day, the day when all the coteachers and principals come to Seoul to collect their English teachers and bundle them off to their respective homestays, our program head gives all the coteachers a little talk. Even schools that have had a teacher before have to come to Yonsei Day, if only because it is considered very, very important that they get a refresher talk. I never really saw why…as far as I could tell she basically told the teachers to treat us well and be courteous and respect us. Obvious, right? Well I’m getting an idea for why she makes them all sit through her lecture every year…I think some of the things she said this year were quite the discovery for my new coteacher. He’s explained to me some of the things that were conveyed in that lecture in the tones normally reserved for considerable revelations. For instance: my coteacher is catholic, a fact he likes to remind me of at least several times per day. Such logical conversations segues such as, “This is the form you fill out when you want photocopies, and last night I read the Bible for three hours” have become mere commonplaces. I usually reply along the lines of, “Right, photocopies. Next?” He also likes to point out to me all the other teachers in school who are also Catholic, and telling me about all of his friends who have read the Bible ten times. Anyway, perhaps he sensed my lukewarm-to-tepid response to all of this discussion of Catholicism (though I don’t think so….), because one day he turned to me in the cafeteria to tell me, “Actually, I learned on Yonsei Day that Americans have freedom of religion. You can be any religion. So maybe that is why you are not Catholic.” To which my only response was a silent (non-denominational) prayer of thanks to our program leader for her little talk. A few days later another teacher was quizzing me on my drinking habits (what alcohol do you like?! What is your capability to drink alcohol?!). Later my coteacher warned me, “Maybe you should not let other male Korean teachers get drunk near you. On Yonsei Day I learned that if male teachers get drunk they will try to touch your body.” HA!

I can just see our program leader giving her speech as my coteacher jotted down notes: “freedom or religion…try to touch her body…” Got it.